Wednesday, February 6, 2008
The Particulars of Pickiness
I am quite the expert on pickiness. I was born picky. And it didn't help that I never loved my mom's cooking. I think it had something to do with the fact that it always had lard in it. I am still picky, but oh so much more adventurous than I used to be. I have a real problem with textures. I easily head into sensory overload. Sights, smells, sounds, textures. I have bionic senses.
I always hated the battles at the dinner table growing up. I would sit at the table for hours rather than eat. I would sneak food to the dog, the trash, once to my room. I wanted to avoid these battles with my own children.
Both of my boys are picky. One by nature, the other by example. SweetP has been picky from the day that solid foods were introduced. He has been consistently picky ever since. He never went through phases. He doesn't like what he doesn't like. When they say that it takes 20 or more exposures for a child to decide they like something. We are well past 200 on a wide variety of foods. And still have very few winners. He is a carnivore. There are no veggies that he likes. He will occasionally eat a banana or applesauce and that is it for fruits.
SweetE on the other hand, has grown up watching his brother and will be excited about something until it is pronounced yucky by sweetP. And then he wants nothing to do with it. He will really like a food one day and a day or two later he hates it. He is a fickle picky eater. And that is more aggravating. Our biggest challenge with him is getting him to try it. Then he usually likes it for the duration of dinner. He will eat just about any kind of fruit, so I am lucky there.
Dinner is not a fun affair at our house. We hope as the boys head into their teenage years, also known as the eat everything in sight years, they will lose a lot of the pickiness.
I have resorted to bribing sweetP to eat. We have tied his allowance to dinner. I don't believe in the clean plate club. I don't expect him to finish everything I put on his plate. Just two bites of everything. In a half hour or less. Preferably without complaining, but baby steps. Every night when we sit down to dinner I set the timer for 30 minutes. And if he eats his two bites of each item we put a sticker on the chart. So far so good, but we are only 4 days into the plan.
People have suggested that I just let him go hungry. Great plan, unless your child throws up the next morning because he didn't eat. Makes it more of a punishment for mom than child. And since I would rather go hungry than eat stuff I don't like, I know it wouldn't work anyway. He is my clone after all.
Ducky says it isn't fair. He eats anything and blames my mother for cursing us with children just like me. My aunt says not to worry, all of her kids started out picky and now are really adventurous eaters. In the meantime, dinner is still a challenge.
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6 comments:
Hi Ped, my older boy (now 4) was also a nightmare with food, and still can be. Sounds like you're treating it the right way; I too was determined not to turn meal times into battlefields (and sometimes I even succeeded), and now, finally, feel we are coming out the other side. But it's just exhausting!
we weren't terribly picky but we simply weren't allowed to be. parents have extra power when you're afraid of them!
we had to eat three bites of everything. three. even if it was something really disgusting, like liver, or something that i was allergic to, like eggplant.
the eggplant was the worst. it made the entire inside of my mouth itch like crazy. when i told that to my mother (as a child), she scoffed at me and said i was lying and i had to eat three bites anyway. it was agony--you can't scratch the inside of your mouth.
a couple of years ago we were talking, and i mentioned that i was allergic to eggplant. she said oh yeah, she is too; it makes the inside of her mouth itch.
wow.
what a mom, eh?
I have the texture problem and keen senses. I was what is now called a hypervigilant child. Ultra alert and over sensitive to everything. It can be excruciating. Especially with food. I hate tomatoes raw, but will eat them cooked in almost anything. As a child I hated onions, but now I think it was mostly how my parents used them in food. And brussels sprouts. Talk about torture.
All of that said, I do make my children take what I call "no thank you" bites. Two bites and they can say "no, thank you" to anything I serve. When they get to make the choice, it made a difference, especially when they were very little. I bet your current plan is a roaring success.
Oh, and, Laurie, that is just unbelievable.
Oh my gosh, Buttercup was the same way. She threw up a couple of times too because she didn't,or wouldn't, eat my dinner. My entire family is so picky! I love all sorts of stuff, but it's a good day when 2 people at dinner like it. My policy? The girls have to try everything. Especially since they say it takes 10-12 times of trying something before you can like it. I will let the girls have a piece of bread with butter on it. Fiona gets a few more liberties when she's on steroids, but I am pretty strict about it. I've finally broken through to Hubby and he clamps down severely on whining girls regarding dinner. Oh we too had the same problem regarding one voicing their views, that is quite unwelcome as well! I got so sick of grocery shopping, making menus, slaving over dinner and having everyone (who lives with me) say YUCK! I so feel your pain.
Well, I'm not going to be a huge help here. (And my jaw is still on the ground from laurie's story anyway).
My kids are older, which I really think makes a difference. I'm very lucky in that my kids will eat almost anything within their parameters.One is a vegetarian (will eat fish) - which I totally respect, being of that bent myself. One is a die hard carnivore, but will eat almost anything (hint: he's a teenager) and the foodie will eat anything except raw onions and mushrooms.
They're all big vegetable eaters, which I'm thrilled about. But so much of that is dependent on whom they hang around with. I'll never forget one of Sasquatch's little friends coming over after kindergarten one day. I gave them a plate of raw carrots, broccoli and cauliflower with a bowl of the magic elixir (aka ranch dressing).
He scarfed away until his friend pulled a face and said "oohh yuck, you eat that??" And he put it down and asked me for chips. I wanted to strangle her.It was a year before he would touch any of those things again. Peer pressure.
In the end, they'll eat as long as you don't let it turn into a power struggle. Your idea sounds like a good one if you're consistent.
They'll eat. Don't worry.
Laurie - I can't believe your mom made you eat that, especially if she was allergic too. I have the same problem with a few foods.
It is no wonder I have issues with food as I recall dinners growing up. So I am doing my best to not pass that along to the boys.
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