Wednesday, July 14, 2010

My Funky Monkey Feet

Check out my new monkey feet. I am training for a walking relay and my new running shoes, the ones that are the exact same as the old running shoes except different colors, were killing my poor little feet. I finished a five and half mile walk and had a blister the size of a dime on the side of my heel. Not even in a normal blistering spot. And my feet hurt. And I had already run about 50 miles in them, so it wasn't that they weren't broken in.

So I started doing a little research. And I found these shoes. It is like being barefoot, but with protection!!! What could be better than that? So I splurged and got a pair. I mean come on, you only have one pair of feet and they have to last you a lifetime. That is true about teeth too, but apparently they didn't get the memo. But I digress, more on the teeth later.

Everything I read said to break them in slowly, that you get sore in a whole new way. So I started with one mile. One little blister and a sore toe, no sore muscles. And no sore feet. Hmmmm. So two weeks later, blister is gone, big toes still get a little sore on the bottom, but I think they will toughen up. The calf muscles were a little sore as I upped the distance, but nothing major. But most importantly, my feet don't hurt when I get home. And this is after walking or running a few miles on pavement. Oh, happy feet.

But boy, they do look a little silly. SweetP has already claimed them when his feet get bigger. The boys have seen a lot of them since almost every night I make them go for a walk or run with me for a mile or two. The boys ride their scooters and off we go.

They look even more like monkey feet on the bottom.

So about those teeth. I somehow managed to chip a hole in the side of one of my bottom molars this morning. I think there might already be a filling there and part of that chipped off. But it is really bizarre that it is on the side and kind of like it was drilled a little. Dentist appointment on Friday. Ugh, I am out of insurance money.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Summer Adjustment

Every year school gets out and I look forward to summer and relaxing and recharging. And every year those first few weeks of summer are a challenge. I forget until I am a few weeks into it that this happens every year.

The month leading up to summer vacation is a whirlwind of finishing projects and looking forward to the idea of summer. And then it arrives and the reality doesn't match the expectation. It takes a while to find the rhythm of summer. The boys and I have to find our groove together. The sudden end to routines. We have to get used to being around each other all day, everyday. It takes some time to work out the kinks.

This year, I don't know if it will follow the usual pattern. I don't know if we will find our rhythm. It is just one more change in my "Year of Change." But I am hopeful that the boys and I will work it out. No matter what, I still love summer.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Beyond My Control

I don't like to feel out of control. I like to be able to see what is coming and have a plan for everything. I like it when my life is neat and orderly.

My life is not neat and orderly anymore. I am still only partially employed and that scares me to death. All I can do is apply for jobs that fit and wait for someone to decide that I am the best fit. And that is out of my control. I can do my best to convince them, but the decision is not mine to make.

I am learning to trust people again. I have learned over the years that the only person that I can really rely on is myself. It is a sad and cynical view on life, but too many times I have been disappointed by people. And lately, that is more true than ever. Family, friends, acquaintances, partners. There are members of my own family that have reached out to Ducky and have not so much as said one word to me. Every single friend that decided to choose sides has chosen his side. There are people who have inadvertently said hurtful things.

It seems like almost everything is beyond my control. So I am doing the only thing I can. I am working on how I react to all of these things. Sometimes it seems that I am failing miserably. But what can I do, but keep working on the only things that I can control. Me. How I feel. Whether I go into over-analyze mode. Whether I let others upset me.

Even with all the upheaval, things are looking like they will be okay in the end. But the waiting for all the kinks to work out is driving me nuts.