Once upon a time, I had a nice, well-functioning brain. And now it is gone.
I used to be able to remember everything. I used to be able to talk intelligently and not work at it. I used to have a wide variety of interesting things to say.
Now if I don't write it down, I forget. Even two minutes later. Do you have any idea how aggravating that is. Half the time I make a list, and then forget to take the list. The odd part is that, the less I need to know something, the easier it is to remember. Random, useless trivia. Got it. Grocery list. Not so much.
I have become a blathering idiot. At times. Those well constructed, thoughtful comments I used to make are an endangered species. They are not extinct yet, but will they make a come back? I hope so. I love making a snappy comeback or an insightful comment. They make me feel smart. (I am smart, but I don't really feel it lately. Can you tell?)
I wonder if all the migraine drugs I take have killed brain cells. They are vascular constrictors after all. Maybe I have deprived my brain of too much oxygen. Maybe if I get an oxygen tank, I can saturate my brain and give it a kick start.
Or maybe my poor brain is in serious need of a vacation. Because lately it is on overload. I wake up with thoughts and songs and stories already running in my brain. And then I can't fall back asleep. Even though I feel exhausted. There doesn't seem to be a moment when my poor brain is shut off. Set on standby. Allowed to relax.
I need a zen activity. So I can become my frog. Be the frog. Become one with my lily pad. Maybe in three months. It will be summer vacation. I will lose all the work stress. And find my brain.
8 comments:
My sister-in-law told me that the same thing happened to her, after she became a mother. And it didn't get all that much better after the sleep deprivation was alleviated. She said she'd always thought 'mommy-brain' was a myth but now she knew better.
I think your brain is just overloaded with all you have to do and the stress of daily life. Hopefully things will improve in the summer.
ann- I don't blame the kids too much. I am blaming the crazy year with too many changes for one brain to handle. I keep reminding myself that next year will be better. I will have done it all before.
So if I get my brain back this summer, I might get to keep it. :)
sounds like sleep deprivation to me.
i can't think if i don't sleep.
Sounds like stress and lack of a good sleep. You'll come around.
You're talking to the mother who completely forgot to take her son to an orthodontist appointment this week until she was sitting at her desk at work and her Outlook reminder came up and said, "Dr. H. 2 minutes overdue." I don't have three months off - does that mean I will never get my brain back?
My desk at work is covered with notes and lists of things to do because I never remember it all. I send myself e-mails from work to home about not forgetting things. I keep a planner with me, have one on my computer at work, and have drummed into my family that we live and die by the calendar, so if you want to do something put it on there and still, I feel scattered and forget things. The new ortho appt. is marked on the calendar in large letters in red ink. So yes, I completely understand how frustrating it is to feel the way you do. I wonder if it will get easier when the kids go to college?
two cents - Let me clear up one misconception. Teachers do not get three months off. We only get two. By the time we are done grading, filing, sorting and cleaning our rooms and can officially start summer, June is pretty much over. Then we head back in mid August. And most of us usually are planning and creating most of the summer. Just a little pet peeve of mine, so please don't take it personally.
And since most of my stress is work related, I am hoping the break will bring back my brain.
I completely forgot sweetE's well child check until exactly 24 hours after it was supposed to happen. So I feel your pain.
Maybe losing your brain is just a sign of the times we are living in. I hope you get a chance to find your brain too. :)
Ped, you are right, it isn't three months. My husband is a high school teacher and both of my kids are in hs, so I didn't mean anything. I couldn't be a teacher for anything and have a lot of respect for anyone who can spend all day with hundreds, in some cases thousands, of kids. My husband ends up spending a lot of his vaction working on the next year's lectures, tests, etc. His being around in the summer has made it a lot easier for me to work and I am grateful he has the summers off.
Some of the time I think my brain will return one day and the rest of the time I'm not so sure...
two cents - No offense taken, I just like to clarify for those who really don't realize.
I know that my family enjoys having me home during the three breaks each year. Even if I am still unofficially working during each and every one of them.
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