A Race

Make sure you are safely seated before reading on. I don't want anyone to get hurt. I just signed up for my first race. It is a shocking new development for me. The last race that I willingly ran in was "The Little Foot" run when I was about eight.

But in the last month I have added the exercise habit and become a bit of an exercise junkie. So tonight I signed up for a 5k. I had considered a 5-miler, but I couldn't get past the whole start at 7:45 thing, leave the house at 6:15 thing, to go get sweaty amongst strangers. So I found something closer with a later start time. It has the added bonus of being partly on bark trails too. Easier on the shins.

I have three more weeks before the big event. I may have to wonder what I have gotten myself into. But it should be interesting.

Upside Down

At this moment in time, something in my world is upside down. I don't know if it is my world that has turned or if I am the part that has changed. But, either way, everything is off. And I don't know how to set it right again. Or even if it is possible.

The only good to come out of the chaos that is my life at the moment, is that I am becoming a bit of an exercise nut. My day is off even more if I haven't gotten a walk in. Almost every day, I have headed out for two to five miles of me time. It all started as a way to combat the obnoxious number of migraines I was getting. But it is helping me cope with a host of other issues at the same time. Now, if only it would help me sleep.

And Yet I Cannot Sleep

I am sitting here tonight. I can barely keep my eyes open. My arms are heavy and tired. My head is throbbing. I am exhausted.

And yet I cannot fall asleep. I can lay down and close my eyes. But then I feel wide awake. My brain is still whirring away. I am aware of every sound, light and movement in the house. Tomorrow I will be meeting my students parents. It would be so nice if I could be rested.

I am so tired of not being able to sleep. I am just so tired.

All About Me, Just Because

Every now and then I do these blog things (as I call them) just because I don't want to think too much. Today is one of those days.

PUT THE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN BOLD.

1. Started your own blog Wow, look here it is!
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/Disney World
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo, Terrifying!
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea I think, maybe it was a movie.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch More than one.
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning Ugh.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked As a kid, yikes.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise It was called a cruise anyway, but it was a little boat for a week.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language Do computer languages count? Yes.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing/repelling Not so much climbing, but repelling rocked.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke It wasn't pretty.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted/sketched Cut out counts.
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain Just guessing.
53. Played in the mud Is there a kid alive that hasn't?
54. Gone to a drive-in theater Should go again and take the boys.
55. Been in a movie - Almost, got bored of waiting at the audition.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (Campfire candy counts!)
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt (working on it)
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job (mutually quit)
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous Ernest Borgnine
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby 2 actually.
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day. More than once.
101. Fallen in Love

Might need to go do more stuff on the list.

When You Just Can't Sleep

One day in the near future I may be accused of being drunk. I won't be able to walk a straight line. Or speak coherently. Or think straight. All because I cannot sleep anymore. I try. I go to bed on time. I fall asleep. But then, I wake up and can't go back to sleep. I lay there and lay there and lay there. I don't watch the clock if I can help it.

I am just seriously exhausted. Even when I take an Ambien I wake up and can't go back to sleep. It is miserable. I love sleep. I miss sleep. I don't want to be awake when it is both dark out and also considered morning. Sleep, please come be my friend again.

Knock On Wood

I made a mistake yesterday afternoon. I announced, with just a little bit of glee, that it had been a whole week since I had a migraine. I knocked on wood, but I had provoked kharma into blasting me with a migraine just a few short hours later. And it won't go away. I have taken two doses of Amerge and still it lingers. I made it through today by throwing 3 Advil and a coffee at it. But it just won't go away. I can only hope that it doesn't take a serious turn for the worse in the next 24-48 hours. I opted to not go get the "rescue relief" at the doctor today. It is on file for whenever I need it, but it seemed to be getting better. Not so much anymore.

So the next time I decide that I need to announce that things are going so well, remind me to keep my mouth shut and not provoke kharma into reminding me not to brag.

A New Year

Today was the official start of the new school year. The week leading up to it is fun but surreal, today the story started. I have 25 new children to get to know, love and be exasperated by. So far, it seems like a great class. But those early days can be deceiving. I had a former student call on the first day one year and tell me point blank that it all goes downhill after the first day. It was funny even if there was some truth in it.

But I am hopeful that the year will be productive and fun. It is a rare day that I don't like going to work. Even when my students are driving me nuts, I still want to go. It is like having children of your own. There is non-stop entertainment, except you get to send them all home at the end of the day. But for the next 10 months I will be bringing them all home with me everyday. They are about to become a part of the fabric of my life.

Lost, But Looking

Lost and found boxes are very interesting things. You never know what you will find in them. People lose some crazy things. There are things that you question how someone managed to lose that. A single shoe on the side of the road, I have never figured that out. Keys, how did they ever get home without them and get in their house once they got there.

I lose my mind on a regular basis, it always comes back. Don't know what I would do if it didn't. I have never managed to lose my children. But I have managed to lose me. Somewhere along the line, me disappeared. I know it is buried deep within the self I am now. But I miss it. I didn't even realize for the longest time that the person I believed I was, was gone. But in recent weeks, I have become aware of what I am missing. And I wonder how I could not have noticed. How I could have let myself change so significantly.

So I am searching for me. I want the bubble and bounce back. The girl that broke a bed by jumping up on it and then sat there grinning because it was just too darn funny. I want the girl with the ready laugh and smile. The one that would crack jokes and relax and have fun. The one that didn't snap with impatience regularly. I was really fun. Now, really nice people in my life now will tell me that I am still fun. But I know that there is a difference. The lost me would go out often without persuasion or permission. The me I am searching for was up for the occasional wacky stunt. Me had spunk.

So if you happen to find my lost me, send her back this way. In the meantime I will be checking lost and found boxes wherever they may be.

Out Walking

I recently finished reading the book "The Migraine Brain." And while there wasn't a ton in there I didn't already know, the idea that was pounded into my brain was that I needed to be more dedicated to exercise. So before the weather turns cold and unpleasant I am trying to form a habit. The habit that gets my buns out the door and moving.

I have created a 2.1 mile route that winds around the neighborhood. I am lengthening it for weekends. So far, so good. Yesterday I even went in the rain. No small feat for someone who is a fair weather girl. But I went, it is time to kick the migraines to the curb. I also figured out my main stressor, hence main trigger and I am working on that too. I am headed to week four on my new preventative meds.

I swear if something doesn't work soon, I will lose my mind.