My entire life I have had a fear of change and the unknown. I would hang back and watch and wait until I felt that I knew what was going to happen, that it would be okay. I have let opportunities pass me by. I have let go of dreams. I have always taken the safe route. Any risk-taker gene that may have been in me was never developed.
Couple that with an inherent need to please. I would choose what to do based on if it would make certain people in my life happy. If it would grant me some level of approval. I would avoid challenges because the risks of failure and rejection were too great. Even if those challenges were what I wanted most. My choices were never made based on what I really wanted.
Long ago I dreamed of going east for college. I seemed to be on a wide variety of college mailing lists. They fed my dream. But the naysayers in my life made sure that I knew that I couldn't afford to go. The risks seemed too great and the money made an easy out. But I have always regretted not giving it a try. I never applied to a single school. I did eventually go to a state school, but I'll never know if I would have made it in or if they would have made it possible for me to go.
Over the years, I have let go of little pieces of me. Stuck to the safe and easy route. Too afraid to try the new things because I might fail. I teach my students that failure is okay, it is how we learn. It is an opportunity to try again. But I am just as afraid to fail as they are.
And now I am at the crux again. And I have a multitude of people who have an opinion about what I should do. People that I feel an obligation to please. And I have to decide, do I please them or me. Do I risk their disapproval? Do I listen to myself for a change? Do I take the risk and choose the unknown?
I know that it is time to rebuild me. And I have started. But the decisions are hard and the consequences are real. But, the only thing I know for sure is that how things are now is not good for me.
The chronic misadventures of parenting, teaching, friendship and life. Take the plan and throw it out the window, because life isn't following it anyway!
Headache Tally
- March - 1 migraine (3 days)
- February - 3 migraine days
- January - 6 migraine days
- December - 7 migraine days
- November - 5 migraine days
- October - 9 migraine days
- September - 9 migraine days
- August - 13 migraine days
- July - 9 migraine days
- June - 4 migraines
- May - 3 migraines
- April - 7 migraines
- March - 7 migraines
- February - 3 migraines
- January - 4 migraines
- December - 10 migraines
Current Books
- A Brain Wider than the Sky by Andrew Levy
- The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson
- A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
- Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
- Breaking the Chain of Low Self Esteem by Marilyn Sorenson
6 comments:
Read my post from Saturday.
Life always seems to give us incredibly tough decisions. My advice is to forget about making choices just to please others--that road rarely leads to happiness. But I'm sure that you are aware that your choices, especially in very serious decisions, not only affect you but your children.
Trust your instincts about what is best for you and your kiddos. If people disapprove, then they disapprove. I'll be behind you no matter what you choose.
I hope you find peace from these worries, my friend. It sounds like you've been in a rough patch for a while, and I am so sorry about that. I know what it feels like, and it isn't good.
I also struggle with the people-pleasing gene, although it's easier to deal with when it complicates more trivial decisions, such as picking ice cream flavors.
I agree with Jadie- you are the only one who can know what's truly right for you. And if you have weighed the consequences and feel right about it, it doesn't matter what other people think.
Good luck! And hopefully, you'll get some "fairer weather" soon!
you have hinted for a while now that you are at a crossroads. this restlessness means something. don't tamp it down.
Those two genes of yours--the no-risker and people-pleaser, sound like a difficult combination to deal with. Giving in to them without consideration of what is actually a good choice would result in a good result only by accident! But I'd like to make a case for a people-pleaser gene. There is a worthwhile role played by heros or role-models. With integrity they have the made the good, hard choices, taken risks in life, made a path in difficult times where others couldn't find one. Heros and role models encourage us to be better today than we were yesterday. Some days we might dread following their example--or what the effort of pleasing them means. But if I come to a place where the only thing keeping me virtuous, encouraging me forward when I'm otherwise confused or afraid is the desire to please my tried and true hero, then I hope my people-pleaser gene is activated and strong.
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