You know those times in your life where it seems like everything is overwhelming and you feel like you are drowning? Where it is an effort to put one foot in front of the other. Where the mundane is too much.
This is one of those times. It has been a craptacular summer and it has carried over into fall and there is no end in sight. The mask I perfected in childhood is coming in handy again. Back when anything less than a happy face was unacceptable. I put it on when headed to work and make it last while I do my daily performance. Then I hide in my classroom and grade papers and plan while it slowly crumbles. Meanwhile life continues on autopilot.
I am completely incapable of dragging myself out of the quagmire that I am in. So not only have I hit the physical wall, but an emotional one as well. It might as well be the Great Wall of China for how I can't see around it or over it. And it seems to surround me.
The chronic misadventures of parenting, teaching, friendship and life. Take the plan and throw it out the window, because life isn't following it anyway!
Headache Tally
- March - 1 migraine (3 days)
- February - 3 migraine days
- January - 6 migraine days
- December - 7 migraine days
- November - 5 migraine days
- October - 9 migraine days
- September - 9 migraine days
- August - 13 migraine days
- July - 9 migraine days
- June - 4 migraines
- May - 3 migraines
- April - 7 migraines
- March - 7 migraines
- February - 3 migraines
- January - 4 migraines
- December - 10 migraines
Current Books
- A Brain Wider than the Sky by Andrew Levy
- The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson
- A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
- Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
- Breaking the Chain of Low Self Esteem by Marilyn Sorenson
4 comments:
I'm sending good thoughts your way. Hang in there.
I'm a bit of a lurker here, and have left a couple of comments about my history with migraines and sleep issues. I don't know your entire history, and I guess I could leave another'generic' comment about what you're going thru and hope it gets better soon, etc. -maybe that's commenting protocol? But I have to say that I find your posts very disturbing, and if I were friend or family I would be very concerned, not only with your health issues, but with your emotional/mental issues.
Sleep deprivation leads to mental and physical changes equal to what an alcoholic or drug user would experience. Long term sleep deprivation can lead to serious mental disturbances, not the least of which is clinical depression.
Add a servious health issue, like migraines, and you have a powder keg. I don't know if your migraines are caused by the stresses of your life and are contributing to the sleep issues, or visa versa. And I don't know what your 'life' situation is truly like and how much that contributes to anything.
I just hope you have a good support system, because without one I fear for you. It does sound like you're trying desperately to bring things back into balance, and exercising is an excellent step.
Good luck to you, and with the race, and congratulations on the skinny jeans!
Hang in there! And don't be afraid to take off your "happy mask" and let people know if you need help. I've had times in my life where I've felt like getting out of bed is climbing the great wall of china... and the worst thing is feeling like you are alone and nobody else has ever felt that way or can help. You don't need to tough it out-- there are lots of people who care about you who can help!
ped, i don't know what you're going through but it sounds awful. masks are good for getting you through public times or necessary times, but not for getting through your whole life.
i hope you have friends/confidantes who can help you with this very hard time. i send you LOTS of affection.
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