The World Just Spins Faster

I can see June and it is on the horizon. And while part of me is begging for it to be here now, the rest of me knows that I am not ready. There are so many lessons left to teach. Miles yet to run. Things to accomplish. Changes to be made. How will I ever get enough done to warrant the arrival of June.

I wish it was June because then I would know what job I will have for next year. At least I better know by then. I should be moved into a new place so my transient life of packing and unpacking will be over. The divorce will be well on its way to being done. Both Ducky and I will be happy about that. We are the weirdest divorcing people you will ever meet. By June I hope to feel settled again, less crazy and ready to stride confidently into the summer.

But, if it was June I would be cramming in lessons and trying to finish projects. I would need to start thinking about summer stuff. And, dear friends, I promise not to be a hermit this summer. I will go to park days and make play dates and not let the summer pass by in a blur.

But I knew that June would be here in the blink of an eye after spring break. It always is. And yes, I am fully aware that June is still over a month away. Just watch, it will be here before any of us realize. It sneaks up on me every year.

I Am a Stranger to My Own Blog

I can't believe I haven't written anything in well over a month. I would call myself a slacker, but I know I am not. So I won't. And I have had plenty to say, just no time to write.

I am working on the full time job prospects. Spring break was a blur and I could have used another week. I got another year older. I ran another race and did better, but not as well as I wanted. I took all the snowmen down in my house, finally, but they are sitting in a chair and not packed yet. The packing and unpacking is starting to drive me a little nuts. I am rapidly realizing that June will be here before I know it. Too many of my sentences are starting with I. I am thoroughly enjoying all the good things that have been happening lately. But I am also anxiously waiting for a few other things to happen so I can get moving on other things. Patience is not always my strong suit.

Lots of other life moments, but it isn't necessarily time to share them yet.

Random Ramblings

I should be grading the tests I gave last week and still haven't graded, but instead here I am. I am completely overwhelmed by life at the moment, nothing huge, just a collection of a little of this and a little of that and it totals just a little too much. As long as I remember to breath it will all be just fine.

I am seriously considering going and getting a pint of caramel cone Haagen Dazs ice cream. It is really yummy, but then I would eat the whole thing this weekend. Then I would have to work out more and I don't have time for that until next weekend. So maybe I will exert some willpower and stay home and hope the feeling passes before I go to the store tomorrow.

I got to hold a one day old baby. He squeaked in that adorable way that new babies do. My arms are sore now. I am super happy for my friend and so very glad that it isn't me. I loved my boys when they were babies, but I have no desire to do that again.

I got contacts yesterday, but didn't want to deal with them today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not until Saturday.

I still haven't finished filling out the application to become full-time. In my defense it is very long and requires memories I have to dig for. I hope to have it done before I leave work tomorrow. Since I am using it to apply within the district I think it is okay that I am using district time to do it. That and I gift them more time than I am using, so it all balances in the end. And come to think of it, I think I was working on it after my work hours anyway.

I need to remember to update my booklist on the side bar before I forget all the books I have read. It seems to be one of the many little aspects of my life that I have been neglecting.

Can't believe that March starts next week. When did that happen? This split week thing that I am living makes the time fly. Spring break is in just three weeks. I want to go someplace fun, but alas I don't think that is going to happen.

I don't like it when bad things happen to good people. My mother-in-law's cancer is back. Doesn't seem fair. She still intends to live to see sweetE graduate from high school. I love her attitude.

I was nearly late to work today because of an accident. An 85 year old woman hit a pedestrian, proceeded to panic and then ran over her twice. And then was worried about losing her license, claiming she was just having a bad day. Did she ever stop to think about the other person's day? I think it was worse than hers. I am sure there is more to the story, but that is all I've got. When I am old, feel free to pull my license before I become a public menace. Sorry if this offends, but elderly drivers scare me. My grandfather used to drive centered on the yellow center line and complain about the other drivers. I would actively pray for everyone's survival, and I don't usually pray.

Even with my delay, I still decided that the stop for coffee was warranted and necessary. I can't say that I am addicted since I generally have decaf, but today I needed the caffeine. I had the worst time getting going this morning.

Have I mentioned my dislike of mornings? And since it will be here long before I am ready, I had better go grade those tests.

Social Circles

Once upon a time, I was a party girl. I always knew where the party was and never had to make plans for the weekend. My how things change. Fast forward twenty years and I am a suburban mom. All my friends are suburban moms. My friends from high school, all married with kids. I skipped making the whole college circle of friends, hazard of marrying before college. That and my high school circle went to the same college I did. Then the work friends, married with kids. And finally the mom friends, married with kids.

My entire social circle is married with children. Wouldn't be a problem except for this little twist life sent me. So I have every weekend, kid free. And all of my friends are spending time with husbands or kids. So it appears that it is time to expand the social circle. The only problem is that life in suburbia, especially my neck of suburbia, does not lend itself to finding other people without weekend plans.

Oddly enough, my weekends have been pretty busy. I am looking forward to a a leisurely weekend this week. But I still need to find some friends that will be able to be spontaneous and not need a week of planning and a babysitter to go do stuff. So even though I planned to not start any new projects this year, it is feeling like a new project. Wish me luck.

A New Normal

It has been a crazy week. I have been noticing random things at every turn. But of course haven't written them down so none of them come to mind. Life is slowly settling into a new routine. My weeks fly by now in a way that they never did before.

I have rediscovered the me that I had lost. I like her. I am happy again. Not that life is perfect, nor do I expect it to be. Today, even after walking through the rain, having a migraine and surviving one of the more unpleasant parts of my job (a holiday party) I had an awesome day. And it seems like I feel that way about most days. I have always been an optimist, but now even more than ever. I am still balanced with a healthy dose of reality though, so don't think I have gone all Pollyanna on you.

Life is now filled with packing and unpacking. Hellos and good-byes. A never ending to-do list. Parallel lives.

I am looking forward to each new day. Not getting up in the morning, some things never change, mostly because I don't get to bed when I need to. Even when there are things I know I don't like, like riding school buses loaded with children or holiday parties (both of which I experienced this week), I still have a spring in my step and a smile on my face again. I am no longer the grump in the room. It is interesting how once things turn around, you then realize how bad they were.

So I had better get to bed and get ready for another great, but very busy, day.

A Random Post

I was going to write a post, but never did think of a topic. This window has been open for hours, no inspiration came. I am apparently going deaf because I was watching a movie tonight with my phone a mere two feet away and didn't notice that it rang. Oops.

I only left the house to run today, otherwise I graded papers all day because grades are due on Monday. I managed to get behind again. Maybe I need to use more severe swear words when I swear that the coming quarter will be different.

My dream job is a reality, but will it be my reality. I'll tell you in about a month.

Benadryl gives me insomnia. Hence so does Nyquil. Bummer. This is a new development, wonder how/why side effects can change like that.

Grapefruit juice on paper cuts stings. A lot. Paper cuts should be considered an occupational hazard for teachers. We should be given hazard pay. Won't happen, but a girl can dream.

And now I am going to go dream in bed. Thank you for enjoying my ramblings.

Confidence

I have gotten to enjoy some serious quality (and quantity) time with me in the last several months. And even more in the last few weeks. I have been able to draw a few conclusions and make a few plans. All of which have brought me to the realization that my confidence in every area of my life had reached an all time low. However, all of that has changed.

Tonight, as I enjoyed a solid case of insomnia, I hopped on the Wii Fit to attempt to get tired. Didn't work, so I am blogging. While stepping away, I was suddenly aware that most of the time I am liking what I see reflecting back at me. My physical confidence has surged in a way that I would have never anticipated. I have worked hard to get here and seeing results rocks. I am still very much a work in progress, but I can definitely tell that I will get where I want to be. And that feels amazing. After so many years of not liking what I was seeing, but not being motivated to do anything about it, I am wishing I had found motivation earlier. I have found the exercise habit, who'da thunk it.

So thinking about physical confidence branched off to other kinds of confidence. I am setting a new course of action professionally and that is inspiring a new professional confidence to go try some new things. It also meant that I got up in front of the entire staff and acted like my authentic dorky self. (It's true, I am a goof ball.) And while I may have caught some eye rolling, I don't care. I was also reminded that teachers are the worst group to present to. We so rarely get to talk to each other that when we are together we have a tendency to talk to each other and ignore the presenter. Of course, we hate it when our students act this way. But overall professionally, things are looking amazing.

Last weekend I had a turning point. I came to some startling realizations. I needed to find my happy. And my happy depends on me. I need to surround myself with people that enhance that happy. I have been in the most amazing mood since determined a plan to make that happen. Even though there have been several challenging events over the past few days, they haven't phased me. I have found my emotional confidence.

I am not going to let these confidences go. I have worked too hard to find them and I am a better person because of it. And I feel awesome, inside and out.