I have to ask myself how much I am willing to take. How much will be too much?
How much am I willing to believe? How much will it take to build me back up?
Is it worth it?
This has been a grueling week. My students were fine. My teaching partner is great. But there are reasons why it was and is so hard. And those reasons are out of my control. And I can't really elaborate on them. But I can say that my ability to teach and my professionalism have been questioned. All based on a tiny slivers of time. Great judgments have been reached and opinions have been formed without a full picture.
There are moments when you shine and moments when you flop. We all have them. But what if only the flops were spot lighted? If all the great things were ignored? And you were told that you suck (less bluntly, but still told). Repeatedly. How much can I take? How long will it take before I start to believe it?
4 comments:
I'm sorry to hear that you've been having such a rough go of it. I hope you can get through this with your confidence intact and use the summer to regroup. I'm reading between the lines and can tell you that I've had other friends in the eduction field go through similar tough times. You're not alone and you don't suck. Hang in there.
it doesn't take long to believe that sort of thing. responsible and hard working and well-meaning people such as you tend to value others' opinions, and one bad opinion--even if it's surrounded by hundreds of good opinions--tend to carry far too much weight.
do what you're doing. do your best, as you always do. try not to listen to the bad voices. they are almost certainly wrong.
It sounds like you are dealing with our respective Moms! I am sorry that you have relationships like that at work. Thank heavens you have the summer to be away from it.
Don't believe it! I understand and I know it's hard, but you know you are good at what you do. Don't let them "win" and don't let them get to you. Hang in there, summer will be here soon, then you can recharge a bit and remember all the times you soared!
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