Ups & Downs

So yesterday was clearly a down day. Somedays it is hard not to dwell on the parts of my life that are laying about my feet in a thousand pieces, clearly not meant to be put back together. Instead, from the rubble something new and better is meant to be built. It is an energizing thought, when it is not completely overwhelming.

I once saw a greeting card that stated, "Pick of the shattered pieces of your life and move on." I am there. And I have forever kicked myself for not buying it. The pickle here, is that I am not the only party involved. And as such, I cannot simply do what I want and what is best for me. I have picked up the shattered pieces and am ready to move on, but I am being held back by others hopes that what is so badly broken can be fixed.

I am motivated by two factors, what is best for me and what is best for the boys. So far the boys are adjusting well. We have tried to limit the changes to their lives. They consistently stay at the house, we move back and forth. They call the missing parent at bedtime every night and any other time they need to talk. We have tried to limit the difficulty for them, because none of this is their fault.

On the upside, my professional life is suddenly clicking in ways I wouldn't have considered even a few months ago. The funny part is that I would have never considered making a change if my personal life wasn't falling apart. As I evaluated what I would need in the coming years, going back full time became a must. Then, because if I was going to work full-time, a multitude of options became available. I needed to take some classes to up my income, so why not get a new license and open more doors. I am looking into becoming an administrator (aka principal). If I am going to be a strong, independent working mom, I might as well go as far as I can. So after speaking with my current principal, I am getting to try on a few administrative tasks. A new position is being discussed (one of those, you didn't hear this but conversations) and my name came up as a potential person to fill it. The puzzle pieces are starting to fall into place.

So there are ups and downs to my life, as there always are. Right now the spectrum is just wider than normal. I am confident that in the end, I will be okay. It will just be a rough ride while I get there.