It is two in the morning. I am awake. I went to bed at nine. I was laying in bed wondering if death was a viable option. I was also wondering what kinds of brain surgery I was willing to endure and with what long term effects to not have to endure any more headaches.
I have had four migraines in less than one week. I am not so much living as existing. When I am not having a migraine I am anticipating when the next one will hit. I am afraid to do too much and then trigger one. I am becoming afraid to live.
The worst part is that I have been being good. I have been going to bed on time. I have been getting my 8+ hours of sleep. I have been valiantly drinking my water. We all know that I hate drinking water. I have been doing my best to not stress or get grouchy.
I finally had a drug that had them under control. I only had one mild side effect that I could totally live with. Except there was also one major side effect that would have been detrimental to my long term well being. So I am no longer taking the drug. And now, I am spending half my life with a headache and the other half waiting for one.
I go in to see the neurologist again in three weeks. I really wonder how I will make it that long. I wonder how many options are left to explore. I have tried so many different drugs to prevent them. None had worked well or they had side effects that were problematic. There was the drug that if I sat down in the afternoon, I could not stay awake. There was the drug that gave me daily headaches. Then there were the ones that just didn't work.
All I know is that if this continues I will require a padded room because I will lose my mind.
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4 comments:
oh god i am so sorry for this, ped. it's awful. i know how bad this feels, and i cannot imagine four in one week. i do remember those feelings of being afraid to do anything, even THINK about a headache, lest it trigger one.
i'm thinking at this point i'd go with the drug and worry about the major health risk later. you also have to live now.
How horrible, sweetie. There has to be something they can do for you. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
Laurie- Functioning kidneys are a bit of a necessity. The drug was slowly shutting them down. So I am hoping this string of migraines is just my body reacting to going off the drug. I had a bunch of migraines in a row the last time I switched drugs too.
I'm so sorry to hear about this. Hang in there!
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