ADHD Bumblebee

I was trying to go to sleep. Somehow I managed to get myself into bed at a reasonable hour, only to have my brain shift into overdrive. Thoughts are flying through my head in NASCAR style passing each other and changing seamlessly into a total stream of consciousness. Things I want to say to people, but know that I never will. I have the most eloquent conversations in my head, but somehow those particular conversations never go as rehearsed, even if the other person never says a word. I have been known to hold actual eloquent conversations, but never those that I have rehearsed. It is like I use up all the good stuff the first time around. Maybe I shouldn't rehearse anything. But, then again, the people I want to talk to are rarely around when I think of these things.

See how my brain works, it is still slipping around from thought to thought like an ADHD bumblebee going from flower to flower. I should probably do something productive, like write cover letters for jobs I need to apply for. But with how my brain is functioning, I'm not sure they would make sense. Although, the letters that make sense don't seem to be working, so maybe overdrive brain letters would be better. My fingers are having a hard time keeping up with the thoughts though. As I sit here writing, I am analyzing what I wrote in a way that I never have. Am I using complex sentences, transitions, conjunctions? I have to teach writing this year, and all I will say is that I really, really miss teaching science.

What does it mean when you look up and see the word he:ll on your phone? It is sitting on the other side of my laptop facing away from me. It was 11:34 or hell. And now it is apparently time to sell, since it just became 11:35.

I can't believe that this year is rapidly approaching an end. And what a lot has happened this year. I cannot say that I will be sad to see 2010 end. It has been a tough year, filled with change, upheaval, frustration. I keep waiting for everything to work itself out. So much is hinging on when the new job happens. I am ready for it, new challenges, the last big change. Then I think I will have all the change I can handle for a while. But I am so ready for this last change to happen. Now, I just have to figure out the magic formula that will get me a call back. What the magic buzzwords are to list, what game to play, what persona to wear. It's hard for a girl that believes in being straightforward and honest, who says it like it is. So I am just waiting for the company that thinks that those are good qualities to have in addition to a few other strengths that I possess.

Time to attempt the sleep thing again. Wish me luck.